The 5pr46u3s | Christmath!
Yes. I suck at this. Better late than never right?
Since it doesn’t count until its blogged… Addison’s first Christmas is officially in the books! It was one for the ages too. This year I learned a valuable lesson. And I am going to use some math to break it down… you were warned.
First, the equation with its variables and terms defined:
XY = Z
X: the number of offspring you produce.
Y: equal to the product of (a times b times c) and represents the potential amount of money an individual offspring might spend on you for Christmas.
a: a constant of $10, a base Christmas budget.
b: a value of 1-10 which represents how awesome you are.
c: a value of 0, .1, .3, and 1 depending on the average age of your Offspring or AAO:
-If AAO is 0-5years c = 0; If AAO is 6-1oyears c = .1; If AAO is 11-17years c = .3; If AAO is greater than or equal to 18years c = 1 .
Z: the theoretical value of your future Christmas presents (this is for the individual parent, double this total for 2 parent households).
AAO: Average Age of Offspring
Second we make some a scenarios and do some math:
Scenario 1 – Average Awesome(6); 2 offspring
Scenario 2 – Not Awesome(1); 10 offspring
Scenario 3 – Super Awesome(10); 0 offspring
Scenario 4 – Super Awesome(10); 5 offspring
Written out it looks like this: If the AAO of the parents in scenario 1 is 20years which will yield the best Christmas presents, then Y = ( 10 x 6 x 1) = $60. So if X = 2 and Y = 60 then their offspring will spend $120 dollars on them for Christmas, $240 if you combine both parents.
Scenario 1 :: @AAO = 1years Z = 0; @AAO = 8years Z = $12; @AAO = 13years Z = $36; @AAO = 20years Z = $120
Scenario 2:: @AAO = 1years Z = 0; @AAO = 8years Z = $10; @AAO = 13years Z = $30; @AAO = 20years Z = $100
Scenario 3:: @AAO = 0years Z = $0; @AAO = 0years Z = $0; @AAO = 0years Z = $0; @AAO = 0years Z = $0
Scenario 4:: @AAO = 1years Z = 0; @AAO = 8years Z = $50; @AAO = 13years Z = $150; @AAO = 20years Z = $500! <– scenario 4 you know who you are ;)
Also, because I couldn’t leave well enough alone, if you had 10 kids and were Über awesome, therefore being an Über awesome parent, and your children were in their 20s, and you have a spouse, your offspring would be spending $2000 dollars on you and your spouse combined!!!!
So what have we learned here….
DUH! MAKE BABIES AND BE AWESOME! oh and be patient, it may seem like it is taking forever, but eventually your children will be adults and that is when Christmas is going to be magical again.
::DISCLAIMER:: this may or may not be based on science and research. Daniel Aaron Sprague LLC and its affiliats cannot be held liable for Offspring that do not manage their christmas funds well, and or do not get jobs.
Anyways, we are getting ready for another Patriots playoff game around here. This is the year! And I think I am going to post about my top 10 favorite baby items that I could not live without soon. As always, tons of stuff in the works. I promise I will be blogging more often, so keep an eye out.
thanks for looking,
daniel. kate. addison.
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